Guest Blogger #4

Before I begin, I wish to thank Spiffs for posting this blog submission.  I know it isn't particularly something that his blog would normally cover, and is very much off topic. However, this needs said.

There is something that has been on my mind for the last week or so since the death of the great Robin Williams. There is an elephant in the room for so many people in America, and presumably the rest of the world that needs to be addressed.  I've heard some very disturbing statements, and some very insightful statements since Mr. Williams unfortunate demise, and I want to speak up.

First off, I need to make my positions extremely clear.  I am a current, chronic, and life long sufferer of depression.  Some of my friends know this, some don't.  Mental health is something I have struggled with since I hit puberty, and probably will for my entire life.  I manage it, I seek help when appropriate, and I am aware of it, but I will never be completely free of it.  There is no cure for many mental diseases, but there are treatments.  I wish I could cite where I first saw the statement, but I've seen it a few times now and lost track: 'Robin Williams did not die from suicide.  He died of depression, suicide was simply the method.'  This isn't glibness, and it isn't a tagline, it is simple truth.  It is a simple truth we must recognize if we are to help our friends who suffer as he did.  This is true in the same way that a person with lung cancer might eventually die of lung failure.  We do not say they died of accute respiratory distress.  While technically that is true, we say they died of lung cancer.  Please make the effort to force yourself to understand that in many cases suicide and depression work the same way.

Those of us with mental problems are stigmatised a bit by soceity.  There are stereotypes that the mentally ill are violent and to be avoided.  Which sometimes is true, but more often than not is simply false.  The biggest problem with this line of thinkiing is that it shuts down the conversation, and this is a conversation we absolutely must be having.  It isn't enough for us to recognize that mental issues exist.  We have to talk about them.  People who suffer must know that it gets better, and that help is out there.  We can not shut down the communication and expect people to know this.

There's the old line 'what has he got to be depressed about'.  I've heard this one directed at me by well intentioned friends.  I'm a white male, combat veteran, who owns his own business, and is 'well liked by the ladies.' What have I got to be depressed about?  That simply isn't how it works.  I can go from cloud nine, to the depths of despair in a heartbeat.  I can be laughing because I'm having a fabulous time, while pleading with myself to just push on one more minute.  You want a small look at how this feels?  Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head?  You know the song, you may or may not like the song. It keeps playing on repeat, and it just won't go away.  Days later it's still there, and you're not even sure where you heard it anymore that got it stuck there.  That is a tiny taste of what depression feels like, replace the song with thoughts of whatever minor nuisance of your life is most relevant at the time and makes you sad, and you have a near perfect analog of what any given moment may be like for me.  It isn't about having a relatively good life, or even being happy.  It's a perfect hell, and that statement about 'should be happy' makes it even worse.  Here I am, dying on the inside, dwelling on thoughts I can't control, knowing that I have no reason to be sad, depressed, or agitated, and feeling even more guilty because my friends think less of me for feeling that way.  Please, don't ever say this to someone with depression.  You can think it if you must, but don't voice it.  You will make things worse for them, I promise.

How about the old line 'he just needs someone to talk to'?  That's true, but, not true.  Yes, please listen, and talk to them.  But encourage them to get professional help.  You are not trained to talk to someone with a mental illness, and in most cases do not understand it.  I can say that fairly broadly because I can't understand it, and I live with it daily.  It is very important that you don't abandon your friends and loved ones when they are depressed, but recognize that you are not the only thing they need to get better.  While I'm on that subject, there is a lot of talking and trying to help when a person is most depressed.  That's great, but when they start to snap out of it the talking generally fades off.  Don't let it.  This is actually the most dangerous point.  I know, it seems counter-intuitive.  The way depression works is that it nearly immobilizes the sufferer, they can't bring themselves to do anything.  They don't want to do anything.  That feeling of fatigue is the first thing to leave, before the mental anguish that the disease is named for itself.  The most likely time for a person to attempt to commit suicide is when they are first starting to recover from an episode.  The fatigue that keeps them from doing anything leaves, the pain remains, suddenly in a panic they act to stem the pain.  Just because someone appears to be getting better, do not think the worst is over.

Men don't talk about these things.  Men deal with their problems.  Clearly this is not true.  We actually have a tendency towards the opposite, we DON'T deal with these things, until it is far too late.  Women used to be thought of as more likely to suffer from depression than men.  We now realize that that disparity is more a problem with male attitudes towards mental health.  Men are far and away less likely to seek help when they are suffering from any abnormality, be it a mental illness, or an actual injury.  There is a reason that more men are diagnosed too late for certain illnesses where time limited treatments are available.  Just because you're a 'man's man' does not mean you are immune to the gray matter in between your ears.  Get out of the testosterone bubble, before it kills you.  Swallow your pride, most of us chest beaters have too much of it as it is, and get your ass to a professional.  There is nothing manly about succumbing to depression, or any other disease.  It is far braver to talk to a psychiatrist than to 'suffer through' and end up with a gun in your mouth.  I speak from experience, I'm only here today because of a gun jam.

Depression is a horrible thing, and it effects far too many people from all walks of life.  As Mr. Williams' death proves.  Mental illness does not respect how great your life is, how happy you are, how well liked you are, or what your skin color is.  If you suffer, please get help.  If you know someone who suffers, encourage them to find help.  The only help that should be an embarassment is the help you don't get.  Most importantly, find out more.  The more you know, the better off you'll be.  The better you can help your friends, loved ones, or if the worst happens, yourself.  Education, and public understanding are how we beat back this disease that destroys families, and kills far too many.  Find help, help where you can, or learn more.  We only win if we work together.

Update

Well, it has been a while since I have written in any of my blogs...so I thought I would post a little update as to what I have been doing.

I have been pretty busy as of late, so I have had little to time to do anything..

Work has been keeping me busy..as there have been a few people who have left and a few who got fired so my hours have picked up somewhat and with the Halloween and Christmas  seasons coming up I will be getting even busier.

But I do have a few entries in the works and a guest blogger entry that us different from the norm that I post here so be on the lookout for that in the next couple of days.

Well, that's all I have for now

Til next time spiffy people